Bottongos.com

Committed for Better Business

In 2004, He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo was released and sparked a huge conversation in the dating world. This conversation also helped them land a movie deal. I read this book in 2006 when I started my dating adventures after my divorce. I really enjoyed it, but something wasn’t quite right for me. So I called it quits and continued my lighthearted dating style.

It’s obvious that Greg really cares about women. He brought out a boy’s perspective without sugarcoating the whole thing. For some women that is enough to stop being abused by the men in their lives. He told us very clearly when a guy is genuinely interested in you and when he isn’t. He told us to stop wasting time with guys who aren’t. To me, what was apparent was that he was tired of women being treated poorly because of his own illusions about romance. He was trying to save us tons of heartache by making us understand that most of the time we are the rule, not the exception. (RULE: if he treats you a certain way, then he doesn’t like you)

As insightful as Greg’s advice remains, there was a HUGE component missing for me. His suggestions eliminate a lot of men out there. For me, if I had followed Greg’s advice, I would have missed out on the greatest love of my life. My dating adventures would be over before they began, and my career as a dating and romance coach was unlikely to be born. I had become the exception, and now I teach women to do the same.

Greg was teaching women to have better boundaries that are absolutely necessary when dating. For a good dating experience, this is the best place to start. Still, I’m not looking for women who just want a good dating experience. I want women to learn that they can be adored for the rest of their lives and to know that they can almost always be the exception. To do this, you’ll need a lot more than better limits.

1. You have to be willing to enjoy the adventure and stop choking holding on to destiny

Dating is a magical journey, and a few things need to happen for you to get the most out of the experience. Number one is that you have to make up your mind to enjoy the ride, if you think it’s a pain in the ass then it will be and so will you. If you decide to open up to the possibilities, we can work with you. Number two, I want you to define destiny, whether it’s marriage, boyfriend, lover, lovers, etc., and then I want you to cast destiny to the stars and say “I’ll see you soon.” Here is the secret, the more you enjoy the journey and the adventure, the faster you will reach your destination.

2. If you’ve decided that all men cheat, lie, damn it, go ahead and start gathering your cat collection.

Hating men severely affects your ability to be the exception because, by default, you are setting up all the men in your world to fail with you. Similarly, if you think the pool of men in your age group is incredibly limited, well, I’m here to remind you that people these days are in and out of relationships at all times and at all ages. That means there are tons of options available. I’m also going to tell you another secret, options don’t always come wrapped in perfect bows and manners. The adored woman learns to inspire all kinds of men to treat her well.

3. If you have not been asked for exclusivity, stop acting exclusively

Oh, I remember the days… going on a few dates and then impatiently wondering when we were officially going to be an item. I would start going through every conversation we had, when he called, when he didn’t call. I made sure to look like the perfect bride (scary note: I had no idea what a perfect bride was). Then I would obsess a little more, and almost every time he ended up with someone else. This, for some reason, took me longer to understand, so I feel like it’s my duty to save you from further mental anguish. If he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive, then you should be dating other men too. No matter how you do it, you will come across as mentally unstable, needy, and clingy if you don’t keep your options open until he asks for exclusivity and you agree. I want to make it very clear that this does NOT mean you have to stop watching it. It simply means that tunnel vision is not sexy or attractive. It also very rarely helps you to be the exception, except with men who are unstable.

4. If you are not the exception, consider it your universal protection

Oh it’s so so easy to get caught up in it’s the only one I want. I’ll tell you right now, it’s an avoidance, it’s a defense mechanism, and it’s a big reason why you don’t get what you want in your love life. If you want to get your way with men, you have to open yourself up to the possibilities. You should also understand that if he doesn’t end up being yours, you are being protected. Whether that means he really isn’t good for you or someone more awesome is on the way. A truly loved woman understands that she will get what she wants and trusts in the process.

5. If you’re not willing to ask for what you want, know that he’s likely to put you out of his mind.

Men would really like the opportunity to make you happy. It’s so much fun to be around you when you’re happy. You are intoxicatingly delicious when you are happy. So why not learn to ask for what you want early on? Why torture him by making him understand everything and then get mad at him when he doesn’t? Or why would you be the woman who doesn’t have her own likes, dislikes, opinions, friends, and life? Remember that you are also in an adventure, he would like to be included. Women who know what they want and enjoy their lives are so hot. Especially when they include men on the trip. So the next time he asks you what you want to do, don’t you dare answer with “Anything”.

6. If you find yourself with a male drought after starting your dating adventures, it means you need to stop putting all your energy into men and start upping your level of self-care and fun.

Holy Moly, Jenn is super sux when you have tons of fantastic male attention, and then nothing. (insert cricket sounds) What the hell am I doing wrong? Any. Well… actually, from personal experience, I’ve always found that my male dry spells coincided with being too caught up in men and not having enough time for myself. So yes, it is a SIGN, that you should make a personal evaluation of your life… Are you taking good care of yourself physically, spiritually, spending time with your girls, with your family, neglecting your work… etc. and so on. Find the area you’re neglecting and tweak it a bit. After modifying, make sure you’re not doing the tunnel vision routine and find a delicious new man to flirt with.

7. When you open your appointment options, it increases the visibility of exceptions

Okay, I’m going to say something that will probably upset some people. Men like their women as much as they like their expensive toys: someone everyone wants, but not everyone can have. This is why, when dating, it is so important to see more than one man until you have exclusivity. I am NOT talking about telling him about the other men you are seeing. (I’m also not talking about intentionally trying to make him jealous or thinking you’re sleeping with other men) I’m talking about having genuine choices in men and genuine choices in who you choose to be exclusive with. You only have genuine options when you date more than one man that you have a genuine interest in getting to know better. God, that was a lot of genuine! The more true choices you have, the greater their ability to see you as the exception rather than the rule.

8. The Exception always has its own rules

The unforgettable woman always plays by her own rules without being a nagging bitch. Which means she’s always asking you to respect your boundaries and still have a great time. Sex happens only when you are ready. She will not be able to go out with you that night if she has called several hours late. Dating doesn’t just happen at her house. You get the idea.

9. When you encounter bad behavior from a man, change “He’s just not that interested in me” to “He’s just not that interested in me, yet.”

I think a lot of women write off a lot of great men from their dating adventures because they consider all male infractions to be a deal breaker. With the exception of a few unforgivable behaviors (i.e. abuse of any kind, humiliation, alcoholism, drug abuse, married or engaged to someone else, etc.), most men just haven’t known the woman for which they are willing to leave the behaviors behind. . Also, many male behaviors are not so bad, especially when you have a very full and exciting life of your own. I encourage all of you to use this phrase when you encounter these behaviors: “He’s not that into me yet.”

For many people black and white just works. That’s why “He’s Not That Into You” was incredibly useful and popular. Personally, I find “He’s not that into you, yet” much more liberating. It all comes down to a choice. Do you want to be the exception or the rule? I got tired of being the rule, so I thought I’d be the exception by using the strategies I outlined for you. He has blessed me time and time again in my love life, and I am still happy to be the exception of my man. So few women actually choose to be the exception that the choice itself makes them exceptional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *