It is very normal for a wife to have many questions about the other woman. In fact, some of us almost fixate on her, thinking that she has some magical and miraculous qualities that we don’t. People may tell us that any woman who would accept a relationship with a married man must have something wrong with her, but we can have our doubts about it.

A wife might explain, “The woman my husband had an affair with is prettier than I am. I’m not trying to put myself down. I’m just being realistic. She also has a well-paying job at my husband’s company. When I found out, After the affair, I expected my husband to be full of apologies. He wasn’t. He casually said he’s moving out. He says he won’t move in with the other woman, but that’s certainly not the case. I don’t mean he won’t see her anymore. now that she has her freedom. I feel the other woman has gained everything that is important to me. And now she sits with my husband, a good job, and a seemingly charmed life. “My mother says I’m wrong about this. She says that in the end, the other woman never really wins. And then she said something to me that shocked me. She said that when she was a young woman, it was really the other one.” And she says that he has always haunted her, not because the relationship didn’t work out, but because she knows that she unleashed a lot of pain on an innocent person and that shamed her and affected her entire life. life. She said she never thinks about the other man anymore. But she thinks about the wife and family she hurts all the time. I understand that my mother is telling me the truth as she sees it. But my mother is a very caring. And there’s no guarantee that the other woman has as much integrity as my mom. She can sit on her high horse and not care about the pain she’s caused. Could this be true? Is my mom right? Is it true that the other woman never really wins?”

Well, I honestly think it’s a matter of perspective. Sometimes I hear of the “other woman”. Many of these women express remorse, especially once the affair is over (and statistically, there’s a good chance that it will). And many of them feel regret and sadness. Many of them say they wish things had been different and that they had met the man before he got married. Many of them have the feeling that this scenario cannot end well.

And frankly, she’ll always know how to put this man down. She will always know that he betrayed a woman he was engaged to so he could be with her. Therefore, she is always going to be worried that he will do the same to her one day. And, if she’s being honest, she may think less of herself and the other man because of it. She may wonder why, of all the single men in the world, she has to choose the one who is already married. She has to wonder why she couldn’t leave when she knew he had been taken. And this can weigh heavily on her.

I understand why you are concerned about this. The mental image of her being stuck up and superior while hurting you in this way can be harder to bear. But I can tell you that the mental image you have in your head is not always the truth. She could easily be in pain as well.

However, as much as I understand why you have serious concerns about what she’s feeling and how it may ultimately end, I really want to stress that your real concern should be yourself. As wives struggling with infidelity, we often care more about the other woman than ourselves, and the result is often that we don’t get over it as quickly as we could have.

I know it’s challenging, but I encourage you to try to turn your attention to yourself every time you think about her. Because in the grand scheme of things, how or what she’ll be doing five years from now won’t affect your life much. But how she’s doing with you five years from now means everything.

My preferred strategy with this is to try to trust that the universe is right. I believe in karma and I believe that we reap what we sow. And if I believe in this, then I must trust that, in the end, he will get his due without my having to lift a finger or even think about it. And when I trust this, it means that she is no longer my business. And I don’t mean that in the literal sense. She inserted herself into my life, which makes her hard to ignore. But I have a choice. And I can trust that the universal laws will see to it that it is right so that I do not waste my energy on this, freeing me to focus on myself.

I understand why you need to believe that she will regret her actions. But what is more important are her own actions and how they bring about her healing. Because the fact that she doesn’t win or regret it doesn’t really affect the bottom line for her. What affects the final result of it is the progress of it. You delay your own healing when your concern is for her instead of yourself.