All life has a cycle and we must recognize each stage of the rotation to benefit from the next. There can be no success without failure. There is no joy without pain. There is no light without darkness. We must learn to calibrate ourselves through the difficult times, to develop and experience the flight of enjoyment.
The seasonal flow of food supplies can teach us a lot about human nature and our relationship with our own flow of intimacy. Just as oranges bloom in the winter months and strawberries in the summer, our own male and female cycles experience times of growth and rest, intimacy versus independence, love versus emptiness. However, too often we get caught up in society’s model and create expectations for ourselves that require us to experience a constant state of happiness, love, and positivity. Just as we now manufacture strawberries and oranges to be available year-round, we tend to expect the same from our own emotions.
In previous posts, I’ve talked about how men automatically alternate between the need for intimacy and the need for independence. Relationship expert Dr. John Gray discusses the ‘rubber band’ metaphor, which explains the theory that when a man pulls away, he can only stretch so far before coming back. The metaphor involves moving closer, moving away, and then moving closer again with a renewed sense of energy and desire. This is the basis of the male cycle.
Understanding the cycles of intimacy allows us to normalize and accept the flow of emotions that we experience on a regular basis. Instead of tapping into a constant need for high energy and positivity, we can acknowledge the flow of our emotions.
This post focuses on the female wave of emotion. While men recede and then move closer, women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others, similar to the movement of a wave. A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she feels about herself. When she doesn’t feel good about herself, she is less tolerant and less appreciative. This low level of the feminine wave tends to be characterized by feelings of overwhelm, where high emotions are easily activated. During this time a woman is more vulnerable and requires more love.
Without the awareness surrounding this display of human behavior, many men become confused and frustrated during the lows, leading to quarrels and relationship breakups. One minute he seems so incredibly happy with life, love and everything else. Happy wife equals happy life, and he thinks he’s doing great. However, the next minute the tide may be receding and the wave of low level moving in bringing feelings of uncertainty and low self-esteem. Since a woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships depends on how she feels about herself, this low-level wave has an immediate impact on the world around her. Suddenly, she wonders where it all went so wrong. What happened and how can you fix it?
Hold!! This is the first key learning for men when it comes to the female wave of emotion. It’s not something that needs to be fixed. The last thing a woman needs when she’s down is someone telling her why she shouldn’t be down. Rather, what she needs is someone to be there for her, to listen as she shares her feelings, and to empathize with what she is going through. Love, care and support are the key. When she reaches her lowest energy level, she looks for love and support. When she finds him (or chooses to reconnect), she inevitably begins to pick herself up again, with greater self-acceptance and the return of her ability to radiate love in her relationships.
We can often see the disguise of a corporate suit or social niceties cover the low tide, but in the comfort of her own home when the shades are drawn, a woman is forced to acknowledge her feelings. The key for men is to always provide a loving, caring and supportive environment, through high and low tide levels.
Relationship expert Dr. John Gray locates a study in his work that reveals that a woman’s self-esteem cycle typically goes up and down on a cycle of between twenty-one and thirty-five days. While this time frame averages a twenty-eight day cycle, the wave of self-esteem is not automatically synchronized with the menstrual cycle.
As a tip for ladies, while you can check and write down your menstrual cycle, it can also be beneficial to record your surges of emotion to better understand your own rhythm and flow. While the facade may serve a functional purpose at times, allow it to come down when necessary and allow your true emotions to come through. After the reconnaissance, find satisfying ways to better serve yourself during your low tide levels. You can choose a hot bath, home baking, reading, journaling, exercising, meditating, making art, or more. Just trust the flow of what you need to do to reconnect with your own self-love.
Ultimately, whether it’s the male intimacy or the female self-acceptance cycle, acknowledgment gives us the freedom to relax and embrace what our bodies and energy levels are truly communicating, rather than clogging up and ignoring our true emotions. A real connection to what we are experiencing means that we can better understand ourselves. Through this greater understanding, we can experience love and affection on a deeper and more intimate level.