You have put a man who intrigues you. You find him attractive and affable and would like to go out with him. But then you find out that he was married and the divorce happened recently. What do you do for a living? Should you take this divorce into account when deciding whether or not to date him? Are you worried that he is not emotionally stable enough to start a relationship with a new woman? There are a few things to consider before dating a guy who just got out of a marriage.
What you need to do right away is weigh how much you like this guy against the risks of dating a man who just got divorced. Is it just someone you find physically attractive or is there a deeper attraction? Are there any direct warning signs that he may have characteristics you don’t like in a person? If you feel like it’s really worth pursuing, then it’s time to take a look at the seriousness of a marriage breakup. He may be deeply hurt by the dissolution of his last relationship, and that pain can easily translate into the relationship you want to build with him.
You also need to understand that ending a marriage is very different from ending a relationship, even a long-term one. Dissolving a marriage involves legal battles, finances, alimony, and a lot of hurt feelings. He may or may not have gotten over his ex-wife romantically, but it’s very likely that she will continue to be involved in his life long after the marriage has officially ended. This is especially true if the couple had children together.
If there are children involved, the ex-wife will always be a part of their lives because of those children, and it is unrealistic of her to expect otherwise. Can you handle the fact that she will need to talk to and see her ex on a regular basis? If you are prone to jealousy, this could be a very difficult situation for you. Will you be able to treat this woman with respect and kindness in front of her children? He will expect you to.
Another thing to think about is what he expects and what he doesn’t expect from the relationship that he is going to start with you. Divorce is a big step; Do you really think that he is looking to get into another long-term relationship from the start? Even if he says he is, do you think that’s what’s in his heart? Rebound relationships are common, so keep in mind that whether he tries or not, it may just be a fling to get him back in the game. You should also keep in mind that he probably won’t be looking for a marriage again any time soon, so if that’s what he’s looking for, it may be best to take a step back and examine his options.