Issues, including emotional issues, are typical unplanned events. Even when we’re on that slippery slope, we convince ourselves that all is well.

“But we’re just friends” are four of the most dangerous words for your relationship and marriage.

But over and over again in my office and on the phone I hear, “We’re just friends, nothing’s wrong.”

Most extramarital affairs start out as “just friends.” While it’s true that there are affairs that start out as impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones I see start out as “just friends.” In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying “but we’re just friends,” you’re probably already in trouble.

Gary Rosberg of America’s Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will go through on the road to physically consuming an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can extract from Rosberg’s statement:

1) In each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don’t “just happen.”

2) An adventure – by the way, I hate that term!

It sounds like it’s this wonderful experience without consequences… like in “It was a big deal.” In my experience of marital counseling and relationship training, adultery breaks marriages, destroys families, and crushes children.

Anyway, now that my tirade is over, an affair turns into adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional issues can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical issues.

The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of ​​emotional issues. In his 2003 book “NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship From Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,” Glass identifies three red flags that indicate you’ve progressed from a secure friendship to an emotional romantic affair.

1) You feel closer to your friend than to your spouse.

You find yourself thinking about this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think to tell is this friend, not your spouse.

2) Keep secrets.

You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover yourself so that they do not discover you.

3) A growing sexual tension.

They admit their mutual attraction, but promise (complain) that they can never act on it. You fantasize what it would be like to be with this person. This helps create a fictional world where everything would be wonderful if the two of you could be together.

One of the most dangerous and overlooked facts about emotional matters is that we are all vulnerable. If you believe that this fact does not apply to you, then you are even more vulnerable than others.

How to protect yourself and your relationship

Keep clear limits. A boundary is simply what children mean when they say “don’t go there.”

Avoid being alone and/or emotionally close to someone you are attracted to.

Talk often about your spouse. “Assault on spouse” doesn’t count. Talk about what you’ve been up to lately and what you’re looking forward to with your spouse.

If you are going to talk about emotional issues in your marriage, be sure to talk to your spouse, a trusted friend who is on your side and your marriage, or a professional who is on your marriage’s side.

Take special care at work. More and more emotional issues are occurring in the workplace. They spend time together, they go through crises together, they solve problems together. Don’t get in the habit of taking private lunches or breaks with the same person over and over again.

Set up a review committee in your mind. Ask yourself, “Would my wife, my mom, my wife’s mom, my sister approve of what I’m doing right now?” or, “Would my husband, my dad, my husband’s dad, my brother approve of what I’m doing right now?”

If the answer is no, then I offer you what I call my RLH recipe.

RHL stands for Run Like Hell!

Here’s a cold dose of reality: 75 percent of marriages between loving couples result in divorce.

Not at all the desired result at the beginning of an emotional affair.