Have you ever met a man or woman whose main goal is to make you love them?
Some of you may remember a popular comedy from the 80’s called “Family Matters.” Steve Urkel, a clingy, attention-hungry young neighbor of the Winslow family, seriously loved Jones for Carl and Harriet Winslow’s daughter Laura. Every day Steve would come to his house and try to make Laura his girl. The problem with these attempts is that Laura showed no personal interest in Steve. To her, he was an awkward, nerdy nuisance. When Laura gave Steve some kind of attention, negative or positive, Steve would wait until he was alone and say out loud, “I’m wearing you out baby!” It was hilarious!
Sadly, this is a scenario that happens in real life, and unfortunately it can be mentally and emotionally draining. Maybe you know someone who has Steve Urkel syndrome. Maybe you have it and don’t know it. If you do not know the signs and symptoms of this disease and you think that you or someone you know may have it; here are some things to look for.
1) Excessive and unannounced visits to the home, work or events of a future husband or wife (illusions)
2) Call, text, email the love of your life morning, noon, and night (and any time in between)
3) Uncontrollable crying or laughing at sarcasm or rejection of a loved one
4) Spending money you don’t have on gifts that a loved one didn’t ask for (but will accept)
5) Act interested in things that have no interest at all
6) Ask a loved one questions and answer them before they do
7) Call the mother, father or siblings of a loved one for emotional support
8) Give up hope and plan a date with a loved one at the same time.
These are just some of the classic symptoms of Steve Urkel syndrome. If you or someone you know is experiencing three or more of the listed symptoms and you don’t know where to turn for help; CALL YOUR CHOSEN LOVER IMMEDIATELY! (Trust me, they will tell you where to go!)
Steve Urkel syndrome
On a more serious level, there are people who force themselves and their delicate emotional state of mind on others. It’s no wonder that people starved for love crave acceptance and support from people they know and trust. But, there are times when you or someone you know crosses the lines of comfort ability, and that’s when you need to reality check.
I speak from experience. I have been on the receiving end of a man who claimed that he “loved” me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. This would have been music to my ears if the feeling had been mutual! Do not misunderstand. There were times when the two of us talked for hours and spent a few nights in town. That was the beauty of having a friend to hang out with. Okay! I admit that I was never physically attracted to this man. It was an accident that we put first. After listening to my routine ad; “I don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now,” my lovesick friend became more persistent. Speaking of “friend”, nobody wants to be in the friend zone! Initially, I blamed myself for spending even five minutes with this man. But, one day I realized it! I had not agreed to meet him anywhere. He was already where I was. I didn’t have the luxury of lying to him about where he was going to be (or not). Wherever he was, there he was. Constant. Cheesing. Ready for me! I couldn’t stand on tiptoe in a place without him seeing me. I couldn’t whisper low enough. He would listen to me. I couldn’t get out of work fast enough. I would find myself. I finally stopped and yelled, “Enough!” Needless to say, that didn’t work. He went back for a week or two, and then returned to Fantasy Island.
Is this behavior called “stalking”? Perhaps, but what is worse than stalking is allowing someone to impose you. The singing group Destiny’s Child released the hit song “Bug-a-boo.” I kept that song on repeat years ago. I couldn’t get enough! I had no sympathy for the sons of fate until I met my own Bug-a-Boo.
Unfortunately, it is not enough to take the direct approach with someone who has already decided that you are “the one.” You can do anything you can to try and shut down a wounded soldier, but nothing short of serious injury would work. There is also no guarantee that bodily harm will.
I wish I had an easy fix for the Steve Urkel dudes or the people who ride emotional roller coasters with them. I must emphasize the importance of self-love and respect. It is much easier for you to treat people well if you treat yourself well. High self-esteem should be taught at home when we are young; but that is not always realistic to expect. There is hope!