We all have egos. The ego is the psychological “I” within us, an integral part of our identity. Strong egos are important. They tell us that we are valuable, competent and solid inside. The ego is formed from early childhood. It develops as a result of positive, consistent, and loving interactions with parents. If a child feels loved and is treated with love and respect, he feels positive and sure of himself. He values ​​his uniqueness as a reflection of his parents’ communication of this to him through his consistent words and behaviors.

Some children have damaged egos. They feel diminished, insecure and ashamed. They have great difficulty asserting themselves. They remain in the background, unable to speak for themselves or defend themselves when they have been wronged. Inside they feel fragile, small and insignificant.

The narcissist has a very inflated ego. He experiences himself as far superior, more intelligent, talented, creative, and attractive than others. The narcissist’s sense of self-importance knows no bounds. He doesn’t notice or care about the feelings of others. All that matters is that he gets what he wants.

His sense of self is grandiose to the point of being delusional. He engages in endless internal conversations: a torrent of his brilliant ideas and achievements.

“The narcissist expects others to reflect him perfectly… he expects you, in your words, gestures and actions, to give him back the perfect vision of himself.” If the narcissist thinks that you have not recognized his perfection and superiority, he feels hurt and emotionally wounded. Even the slightest neglect on the part of a business partner, family member, spouse or friend is felt by the narcissist as a wound. The narcissist has been looked down upon. Inside he feels diminished. As a result, he becomes enraged. Although the narcissistic ego is great, it is fragile. It lacks elasticity and flexibility.

Those who have a flexible and healthy ego can tolerate the slingshots and arrows that hit us all the time. Humor is the calming balm, the respite, the exquisite push that allows us to laugh at ourselves. The narcissist may appear to be making fun of himself, but this is false. He is not capable of experiencing the joy of a fully developed sense of humor. From childhood, the narcissist developed a false self as a result of parental expectations that he or she was perfect and superior to everyone else. Beneath the false facade, the narcissist unconsciously feels worthless and fraudulent. The narcissist’s perception that others do not treat him with the utmost respect and obedience that he deserves activates the tripwire of narcissistic hurts and slights from him.