Have you ever seen a child anxiously waiting for his absent father to come and take him to play? When faced with the dawning realization that the parent is not coming, the child may become defensive or hurt, crying angrily because they hate that parent and would not have gone to him anyway! Is that the truth?
Of course not, they are simply trying to cover up their disappointment and feelings of rejection in order to bounce back quickly and hide their heartbreak. Anger is often an alternative to crying or grievance and can help us stop feeling vulnerable.
As adults, we look forward to dealing with our anger issues and moving on to more effective ways of communicating our feelings. We start to see anger as a useless and inelegant way to convey our hurt or disgust and quickly learn that it doesn’t solve things. Often it just stops us from moving on. It is much better to learn to deal with emotional situations calmly and rationally, rather than letting our feelings dictate and get the best of us.
When we find ourselves constantly turning to anger, unable to handle conflict or disappointment well, we need to worry about finding other ways to resolve and resolve our anger issues.
Anger can manifest itself in various ways.
– We may be angry with ourselves, feeling unworthy, unattractive, unintelligent and going ahead with harmful and destructive behavior such as self-harm, bad habits, negative self-talk, thus ruining any chance of success with our way, attitude and approach. People with severe self-anger issues can set exhausting challenges for themselves, never feeling like they have accomplished enough or in the right way. They then punish themselves further with a regimen of binging, purging, or self-discipline.
-Other people it can provoke our anger if we feel that ‘it’s okay for them’! In those cases, other people may be seen as especially gifted, favored, or lucky, meaning they have a better or unfair chance of good fortune.
– We can be angry with situations. and blame our circumstances for our lack of success; They are the reason things don’t go well. You’ll hear, ‘it’s not fair’, ‘if only’, ‘I can’t start until that’s taken care of’.
– inanimate objects it can also bear the brunt of our anger. People can kick, throw, stomp, and destroy objects out of their anger. Those items may even be to blame for things not working!
Some tips to help you deal with your anger issues.
– Begin to recognize triggers, those situations where you find yourself losing control and getting angry. Is it a look you’ve received, a raised eyebrow, a shrug, or a smile when you’ve spoken? Are you being ignored or not allowed to speak? Notice what turns you on.
– Appreciate that the reactions of others are not necessarily about you.. There may be times when your behavior, comment or body language affects the recipient in a provocative way. But we can never really know what is going on in the mind or life of another person. It is important to be respectful and allow all points of view to be heard.
– Determine the facts first. Stay calm and ask questions. Find out what is happening, what caused his words or behavior. Listen appropriately and with genuine interest. Avoid questioning, finishing your sentences, or preparing your response before they finish speaking.
– Respond instead of react. Consider each situation and what you want to achieve, what is the desired result. For example, if your car breaks down on the way to an important meeting, you might kick it, damaging it out of frustration, but it wouldn’t solve anything and seeing the damage afterwards would probably make you feel worse. It is much better to stay calm and identify what needs to happen in order to remedy the situation in the most positive way possible.
– If a relationship is causing you anger problems. you could suggest a meeting to discuss them. Set a mutually agreeable time. A public place can be good as it ensures that communication remains civil. Try to identify key areas of discomfort and own your feelings. Instead of accusing with ‘you make me feel’, it’s much better to start an argument with ‘when this happens, I feel’.
– Avoid too many examples. They can hijack a conversation and rarely achieve anything useful as it can go off track. Examples rarely help move a situation forward.
– Alternatively write a letter It can be a good way to communicate your feelings. Take as much time as necessary to process your thoughts so that you are clear about what you want and need to say. It can take days or even weeks until you are finally satisfied with the content and tone. This can be an effective way to deal with someone who has disappeared from your life. Then when you’re done, you can either mail it or have a ritual to indicate that this phase of your life is finally over.
– Has a newspaper It can equally be used for writing and working with angry and hurt emotions, sometimes held in conjunction with counseling and hypnotherapy. Use effective methods that help you understand what the anger is about, what has been causing it. Those ideas can improve your ability to communicate your feelings.
– Learn to communicate well. It can be a difficult process if good communications were not part of your early years. Some families have learned to remain silent for fear of upsetting a volatile or easily upset family member. Or if a partner is perceived as smart or eloquent, twisting what is said so that problems are your fault, it may be easier to remain silent. But anger can then flare up as frustration, often over small and trivial things.
– Set your own limits in place so that you protect yourself and be aware of what you will and will not tolerate. This allows you to gradually communicate how you feel effectively. You have learned not to inflame the situation, but you can be firm, fair and clear, willing to empathize and solve any problem.
– Recognize the role that stress can play. in your anger, your warning signs of being tired, irritable, not sleeping well. Let your partner know what you are going through. Good communication can play an important role in helping you deal with your anger issues. Let those closest to you support you in difficult times.
And remember, once said, things cannot be unsaid. They can be understood and even forgiven, but hurtful and angry words are often hard to forget.