I think this is a very serious topic and that it has been completely misrepresented. The relationship of African American men and women, both successful and unsuccessful, is not to be taken lightly. It is said that the strength of a nation is reflected in the family structure, if that is true, our strength has been reduced at a rapid rate.

While conducting a study a few days ago, I came across some pretty disturbing statistics reported by the National Center for Health Statistics. It was stated that in the year 2007 the number of babies born to African Americans out of wedlock grew to 72%. This is DEVASTATING!!! Some might wonder why this is devastating considering that the modern consideration of an acceptable family structure has become a single parent household. Biblically speaking, it is stated that, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and every city or house divided against itself will not stand” (Matthew 12:25). We as a people have been divided since our arrival in the Jamestown Colony, Virginia, some 391 years ago.

It is very important for us to look at the destruction of the black family from a historical point of view. The problems that successful/unsuccessful African American women and men have in relationships run much deeper than what appears on the surface. On the surface we would contribute our atrocities to the very presence of fatherless homes, the misogynistic lyrics found in much of our music, the physical/verbal/sexual abuse displayed in many of these relationships, the high rate of infidelity etc so on. By contrast, the problems plaguing African-American relations run much deeper. The current state of the average African American relationship has been carefully planned and designed some 300 years ago. On December 25, 1712, famed slave owner Willie Lynch delivered a speech and plan that would wreak havoc and chaos in the relationships of black men and women for at least 300 years if implemented correctly for at least one year.

Willie Lynch’s highly damaging teachings (as expounded in The Willie Lynch Letter and The Making of a Slave) equipped slaveholders with various methods of changing the natural order of both Black man and Black woman. The most important part of teaching him was how to destroy the image of the black man. This still seems to be our biggest problem today, neither the black man nor the black woman have a clue who the black man really is. The image of the black man was intentionally destroyed so that the black family would end up in eternal ruin. By nature, the male is supposed to protect, provide, and give direction. Through the dehumanization of the black man and the destruction of the black man’s image, the black woman and child have been left unprotected, uncared for (by the black man), and without direction. Understanding that the male’s primary role is to protect, our young Black women are often lured into a false sense of protection and tend to gravitate towards a more destructive image of the Black male. This image is the one that bombards us so often through the mainstream media. An image of violence and aggression coupled with an attitude of apathy is frequently broadcast from our television screens and through our radio speakers to our black youth across America. This is at stake with our youth who are searching for identity and acceptance and with our young black women who are searching for their male counterparts. Through the distortion of the image of the Black Man, a great sense of falsehood has infiltrated our communities.

It is not enough to address the destruction of the black man without looking at the reverse nature of the black woman. Through the teachings of Willie Lynch and the teachings of many other slave owners, the black woman also had to convert from her natural state. Through the torture and torment the black man had to endure as his image was destroyed, black women and children had to watch in shame and fear. By doing this, it was taught that the black woman in her unnatural state would become a frozen psychological state in which the black woman would become independent of the black man. The most important thing regarding the conversion of the black woman was the control that the slave masters would have over her in raising her offspring. The black woman was taught through fear to raise her children in reverse roles, teaching the boy child to be dependent, mentally weak and physically strong and teaching the girl to be independent like her in the frozen psychological state. her. Therefore, with the conversion of the black man and black woman from her natural state, the family structure is in complete uproar.

Marriage is a very important institution and is a necessary part of sustaining a nation or a people. In order for African American men or women (successful or unsuccessful) to have a successful and healthy relationship, we must first convert back to our natural God-given roles. The black man should be seen by the black woman as a provider and protector, and the black woman should be seen as the black man’s most valuable asset. By returning to our natural God-destined roles, both the Black man and woman will be able to provide healthy attributes to the relationship and, in turn, instill strong values ​​in their offspring, the Black child.

So you ask why is it difficult for a successful African American woman to find a man? While there are so many superficial answers we can point to, we need to look at this issue through a sharper lens. To create a people that can live together in harmony, we must redirect our teachings to our youth with a greater emphasis on marriage, parenting, and community. We must teach our boys and girls their God-given roles at an early age. We must teach our children how to become creative thinkers and how to solve problems without the use of violence. We must teach them how to become mentally strong, as it is much stronger than being physically strong. We must teach them how to be independent and how to be gentlemen from an early age. We must teach our girls how to choose a strong man with great values. We must teach them how to be independent outside of marriage and the value of being dependent within marriage (dependent simply means relying on another for support). In doing so, we will raise a generation of young African Americans who will truly value marriage, family, and self.

Anthony M McDonald, Mr.

Author and motivational speaker

“RISEN: From Jamestown to the White House”