For some of the women reading this, she is about to embark on a limitless, fact-finding mission in her husband’s mind. Let’s start with some myths exposed and facts revealed.

Done . . . All those ‘share-your-agony / achieve nothing’ websites where destitute wives sympathize by giving essentially useless advice about what didn’t work for them won’t help you encourage your husband to be more romantic.

Myth . . . Your husband does not love you because he is not romantic. This false statement is mainly found on ‘share-your-agony’ websites.

Done . . . Your husband is not more romantic for one or a combination of four main reasons:

• I am not comfortable with the emotional element of romance.
• Too much stress or too little time (perceived).
• Not focused, not organized, or may forget important dates.
• Without being aware of how important romance is to you.

Myth . . . By showering your husband with romance, he will get the idea, search for his hidden romantic child, and create the romantic oasis you want and deserve.

Done . . . Your husband will become more romantic and your marriage more passionate for one of two main reasons: (or a combination of both).

• He wants to please you, make you happy, and improve the marriage because he is basically a good boy.
• Because it’s the best for him and he gets some benefit from changing the dynamics of the marriage.

There are three components to encouraging your husband to be more romantic. Do all three and you are almost guaranteed a marriage filled with romance.. Like a trike, with only two wheels on the ground (two components of the romance formula), you’re not going to get very far. And if it gets anywhere, it will be a real struggle.

Step one – The goal – Without condemning, complaining or criticizing, tell your husband why it is important to you that your marriage have a greater element of romance. Explain that romance is like a key that opens a woman’s heart and satisfies her need for emotional intimacy. Describe what romance looks, feels, sounds, and smells like. Give your husband a goal, a challenge. Men want to chase and enjoy reaching a goal.

Second step – The reward – Share with your husband why it is in your best interest to increase the level of romance in your marriage. The truth is that while you think of romance as emotional intimacy, your husband thinks of sensual pleasure. One point of view is not better than the other, but they are two sides of the same coin. Tell him how romance increases the emotional connection you feel and that leads to more trust in the relationship, in him. You want to change – increase the amount of romance – the marriage because it will better meet a need you have (and should have satisfied). It is no different for your husband. It will change the relationship, increase the amount of romance, when it satisfies a need you may have.

Step three – No plan, no action! Men are, by their very nature, tool users. Some use computers, others use power saws, the rest something in between. While there is no scientific research to prove this, the reason men use tools is because their brains are leaking. Ask your husband to bring home three things from the store and you will likely get just about anything besides the requested items. The same goes for romance, your husband will need a little help to keep him on track for the first few months. There are online marriage resources designed to provide your husband with romantic ideas, advice, and suggestions. The full-featured sites even provide a personalized reminder service so you never forget another anniversary, birthday, or special occasion. If you do a Google or Bing search for “Romantic outsourcing” you can see what is available to your husband.

The challenging part of making a long-awaited improvement in your relationship is bringing it up and bringing it up. Below is a letter format that you can use to get your husband’s attention. Feel free to copy, cut, edit and paste for your personal use.

Dear (my romance resistant husband),

I am writing this letter to you because I believe our marriage could use a positive change.

I know that romance may not be your top priority right now. But for me, it represents more than just flowers or a pretty card. For me, it is a way of feeling emotionally connected to the man I love. For women, romance is like a key that opens a door to greater intimacy, more trust in the relationship and, yes, more desire for sensual passion.

For me, romance can be gestures of affection that remind me that I am special in your eyes and in your heart. It’s not about the secluded island getaways you see in the movies. Rather, a personal message, a thought, a break from routine, or flowers every now and then. Please don’t let this rule out the romantic getaway, if that’s what you had in mind 🙂 To put it another way, women have an ’emotional bank account’ that needs regular small deposits. And you will be amazed at how interested it is. Romance can lead to many things; a marriage that lights a passionate flame, the glue that binds a relationship, a door to greater sensual pleasure, the building blocks of a stronger marriage.

Without a doubt, men and women are different in their needs and comfort zones. I acknowledge this and realize that you may occasionally want some ideas and reminders to get the romantic juices flowing. There are male-operated marriage / romance construction websites that may be helpful to you. ________ is a free to use website or you can search “Romantic outsourcing”.

I want you to know that I love you very much and that our marriage grows stronger every day. Romance is important to me. Share with me what is important to you.

Your loving wife,

hugs and kisses

One last suggestion, having just a verbal conversation probably won’t lead to lasting change. Remember that your husband’s mind is seeping. If he’s not fully interested in the change he needs, wants, or deserves, romance will drop down the list of day-to-day demands. The reason men respond well to a written letter is because it allows them to return to their cave, a safe psychological place, and have time to digest the problem. Your husband will act sooner than you think. And if it doesn’t, take control of the situation, write it down, and enter anniversaries and important dates.

I have found that most men tend to initially rely heavily on a ‘Romance Outsourcing’ website to encourage them to take action and, yes, overcome any initial doubts. Remember, many men, at first, are not comfortable expressing romance. Because, in the end, it is a show of emotional openness. It takes time to get good at romantic and recognize subtle emotional cues. The good news is that many of the more “ romantically resistant ” men continue to regularly contribute romantic ideas, helping other husbands like yours improve their marriage. For a sports analogy, ‘Even the best athlete was, in the beginning, a long time ago, a rookie player who took the field for the first time.’